“You aren’t really a coach until you get fired.” I had heard that from veteran coaches before, but I never truly understood it—until it happened to me. That moment forced me to ask a crucial question: “How do I define success?” One of the four questions from Joe Ehrmann’s book Inside Out Coaching came to life in a very real way.

Defining Success by Performance

Like most high performers, I initially defined success by what I achieved, what others said about me, and what I acquired. The better I was at my sport, the more opportunities I received, the more money I made, and, most importantly, the more praise I earned. There is nothing wrong with being a high performer. Being driven, motivated, and committed to daily improvement can be a great asset. But for me, success became my identity—and wins and losses dictated my worth.

A Turning Point

Then, I was fired from my most lucrative, high-profile job. It shook my identity, my confidence, and my family.

I needed to support my family, so I jumped at the opportunity to join Sporting KC, a club with strong leadership and a great culture. Soon after, I was offered the chance to participate in the third Elite Formation Coaching License, a partnership between Major League Soccer (MLS) and the French Football Federation (FFF). It was a dream come true—an overseas coaching education experience I’d always wanted. But it also led me to revisit the question: How do I define success?

The Washing Machine

One instructor, whom we called Yoda, was a master of his craft. The course was designed to dismantle what we thought we knew about coaching, put us through the “washing machine,” and refine us into better, more player-focused development coaches. Growth dies in comfort, and this experience was anything but comfortable, especially for someone fresh off being fired.

Developer or User?

One day, the instructors asked us a simple yet profound question: Are you a developer of players or a user of players?

Until that moment, my success was tied to what players could do for me—so I could win, be well-regarded, and secure my next opportunity. I was a user of players. I talked about character, set high standards, and demanded excellence, but deep down, my definition of success was still about me.  That realization changed everything.

A Shift in Perspective

I love teaching and coaching. I love seeing the light go on in a player’s eyes, witnessing the joy when they accomplish something they didn’t believe they could do, and guiding them through uncomfortable situations in order to promote growth. But if my coaching was only about what I could extract from them, was I truly fulfilling my purpose?

Redefining Success

This journey led me to redefine success by aligning my true identity with my vocation. Identity is not what you do, what you have, or what others say about you. It is something deeper—it is in your soul. For me, my identity is rooted in how God created me and what He created me to do.

I had been a user of players. But once I realized my true identity was to be an encourager—literally a giver of courage—through sports, I embraced my calling to be a Coach On Mission. My purpose became clear: to be a giver of courage, to have a positive ripple effect on every player, coach, and person I interact with.  I now define my success through the encouragement and development of others solely for their growth and achievement by being humble, curious, enthusiastic, and courageous.

A Biblical Reminder

As Philippians 2 reminds us, true success is found in humility and servanthood. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). When we prioritize others and serve with genuine purpose, we become leaders who leave a lasting impact.