The process is right, but the results aren’t coming…
The easy answer is to get better players. When you can’t, there are other options, and they don’t involve white-knuckling it, training harder, or changing everything.
Soccer mirrors life better than any other sport: you can do everything right and not get what you deserve, or do everything wrong and get what you don’t deserve. I’ve questioned my place in this game many times, and it always reminds me that I’m not in control, and that makes me crazy. As an Enneagram 8, I want to control everything; I see conflict as connection, and I’ll white-knuckle my way through anything.
Tim Keller defined providence as “God’s guidance and management of all things that exist, so that they fulfill His purposes.” Another definition is the protective care, guidance, or control exercised by God. As a follower of Jesus, I believe God’s providence is at work in my life. His will establishes all that ever happens. But as a coach, I had to admit that it didn’t feel very protected when the process was right, but the results weren’t coming.
I heard a phrase that stuck with me and made me reconsider my perspective: there is Good Providence and Hard Providence. Not bad, but hard.
It’s hard to handle and hard to understand, yet it is still providence if we’re pursuing God’s plan for our lives. The One who holds back the tides and set the stars in the sky is the author and perfecter of our faith. That doesn’t make it any easier to lose a game, to lose your best player to injury, or, these days, to watch a player transfer for greener pastures after you’ve developed him for three years.
Matthew Henry wrote that for those who love God, “all the providences of God are theirs—merciful providences, afflicting providences, personal, public. They are all for good…That is good for them which does their souls good.”
So when Hard Providence comes, instead of white-knuckling it, training harder, or changing everything, try these four things:
- Ask the right question. “Why is this happening to me?” puts the emphasis on the problem and invites blame, complaining, and defensiveness: “Why can’t we score?” “Why do we keep making the same mistakes?” Ask yourself instead, “What is this teaching me?” That question emphasizes learning. God is never surprised and never has to apologize for a mistake. His timing, whether through good providence or hard, creates room for faith: to listen, wait, and trust that His plan is far greater than anything we can imagine.
- Stay connected. When things go badly, we tend to pull away and go it alone. As leaders, we feel the weight of making the right decisions and think we must have all the answers. Often we try to take the weight off others, but they need us. Stay in community. Your players and staff feel the losses too, so don’t turn on them and blame, complain, or defend. Stay in it with them.
- Be curious. Think Ted Lasso: ask good questions and be humble enough to listen. Even skilled, experienced coaches can be wrong. I love this quote: “Coaches aren’t always right, but they are rarely in doubt.” Question the process enough to look for the hard answers and recognize that this may actually be why the struggle is happening.
- Be brave. This is the genius of the “AND”: be brave enough to stick with what you’re doing AND to change it. Hold to your principles, but be willing to adjust your tactics or lineup. Both may be right, and asking what this is teaching you will show you which is which.
You may not be able to get better players, but you can get better at responding to Hard Providence!
